Bowed back, fingers crossed, lost look in to the spot on the wall. Khadija didn’t hear the noise that was coming from downstairs. Her friends were settling the music for the party, that suppose to start every minute.

“You should be happy, so happy”- silence was saying to her. But she was. Really she was. Still…at the same time she was filled with fear. “So many emotions, I feel like a bomb that is going to explode!Yarab, Lord of my heart, help me! Help me to realize what do I really feel.”
Warmth of her tears reminded her of where she was and of her friends who were waiting for her. She was a glittering star tonight. Beautiful dress, that she has bought specially for this occasion, was looking so good on her. Her hair was great, make up was perfect. She was ready to go. “Just hope no one will see the real me. They are happy for me. I will not give them any single sign that it shouldn’t be like that.”

While getting down the stairs, sounds of Amr Diab’s “Betewhashni” made her smile. She loved that song. ” I deserve to be happy. I deserve to love again. To feel again. To touch again. To be touched .”
The evening was better than she expected. No one has noticed the storm that was going on inside of her. She forgot about tomorrow. About her wedding. The second one. He has called few times, just to see is everything okay, bringing those thoughts back to her, but she shakes her head and make them go away. She will think about it latter. Or even tomorrow. But not now, just not now.
…
Everybody left. She was alone again, with bowed back, crossed fingers and looking to the spot on the wall. Now memories were coming back so fast, that Khadija was not even trying to stop them. She let her tears falling down her cheeks, hoping they will take all those memories away, away from her. She didn’t want to remember how many times her ex hit her. How many times he raped her. How many nights she slept next to him wishing she is dead. How much she hated every single touch of him. How every cell of her body was scared only if he would look at her. It would made her flesh creep.
Is it going to happen again? She was forced to the first marriage. Second one was her choice. This time she was in love. Big time. She knew that. She loved him with all her heart. And body. She wanted to be in his hug, to listen the beats of his heart. His strong hands, protecting her from outside world. His warm, deep eyes resting in her eyes. His calming voice, whispering to her the words that made her able to love again. But…will those hands lose control some day? Are they going to hurt her, instead of protecting her? Will those eyes be filled with animal desire to destroy? Will she hear that voice shouting in her, insulting her, instead of whispering the words of love? Was she brave or stupid, for trying again? Who knows…She has only hope that Allah (SWT) will not let that happen to her again. Ever. Hope that she made a good choice. That her heart was right. Time will show…