Dec
31

This evening at home, having nothing much to do, me and girls watched “Lion of the Desert”. For me not first time, I saw it many times before, but emotions were always the same. For girls - first time. And they loved it (off course heh). But, as they came to age where they want to know just everything, questions were just coming one after another: Who is Omar Al Mokhtar, from where he is, why they wanted to kill him, why they wanted to take his land and his people, etc, etc. Asya even start to ask about years: Mom, how many years before us he lived? How old he was when they killed him? So, I, as a good mom,****dont roll your eyes, its not healthy****, settled myself in front of PC, opened google and other fellows and searched. This is what I found:

Sidi Omar Al Mokhtar was born in 1862 in a small town called Zawia Janzour of the tribe of Mnifa, Libya. At that time, Libya was part of Ottoman Empire.

He was well known by his courage and wisdom, even in his young age. Once, he traveled with a caravan to Syria and the lion showed up, stopping people from continuing their way. Whole caravan was terrified. They wanted to give a camel to the lion, so hopefully he would let them go. But Omar carried his shot gun, rode his horse and went after the lion. He came back with lion’s head. This is how he got name “Lion of Cyrenaica.

sidi-omar-mukhtar.jpgIn October of 1911, Italian battleships reached Tripoli, Libya. Intentions were occupation and ruling the land, off course with people same. The Italian’s leader demand to the Turks to surrender Tripoli to the Italians or the city would be destroyed. The Ottoman Turks fled and the Italians attacked Tripoli anyway, bombing the city for three days.

That would mark the beginning of a series of battles between the Italian occupiers and the Libyan Mujahedeen.

Libyan resistance begun with less then a thousand of Mujahedeen, but with time number changed to six thousand. Sidi Omar, teacher by profession, was a master strategist in desert guerrilla tactics. He also knew geography of his country well and how to use it against Italians, who were not accustomed to the desert.

With his small, mobile groups, he attacked Italian troops, cut lines of supply and communications and left the huge Italian army embarrassed.

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But…they knew the cowardice way to make the Mujahedeen weak. They have imprisoned Libyan men, women and children in concentration camps. They have moved entire tribes miles away from their homes, in a desert. About 120.000 Libyans were forced into these camps, the two thirds are perished. People were constantly tortured. In this way Italians were weakening Mujahedeens in two ways, by cutting off the moral and economic support and stopping more men to join Sidi Omar’s group.

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In one of the battles, Sidi Omar Al Mokhtar was wounded and Italian army captured him. He was 70 years old. Lion of the desert. They have paraded with him, showing him to the people like a long time hunted and finally captured animal. They gave him a joke of a trial and he was executed by hanging in a public place, in Sulooq, on 16th of September, 1931. In front of eyes of his beloved people. His last words were the words from Qur’an, the book that was always with him: Inna lillah wa inna ilayhi rajioun.-From God we have come, and to God we must return…..

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Subhanallah…What a story….Mom has only one question: Do men like this exist today? But I really doubt…

History is repeating…Afghanistan, Bosnia, Iraq, Pakistan….Allah knows where else…Where are the Omars of our time??

p.s.Thank you Moustafa Akkad, for giving chance to my girls to see a REAL hero and take him as a role model, true symbol of faith and someone to look up to. Not some Hollywood made, fake, stupid brain washers.

  
Dec
27

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She visited Bosnia and Herzegovina in 1994, while the war was still going on, supporting our country in a fight for independence and freedom. Bosnian people will never forget that. She is in our prayers.

May Allah (SWT) help this ummah. We desperately need it, yarab….

  
Dec
13

While walking on my way back home, I was so tired, so I let my mind work on its own, not having strength to direct the way. My eyes were on everything, snowflakes falling down, people’s faces, kids playing in the street…all. Some faces were happy, some sad and some…empty. Just that – empty.

Many things came into my mind. Are some people meant to be empty, unhappy – forever? Maktoub? Or Allah (SWT) gave us power to change things? Isn’t that hadith that saying doa can change the qadr?

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What if you got yourself like that, just one day you realize you are not happy, you are not satisfied with what you are or how you are? What if you don’t know how to change yourself, your life or just anything, if you feel you don’t have that power in your hands, feeling them so weak, even to raise them up and say doa? And you know you have no one but Allah (SWT)?

What would you do?

  
Nov
08

shocked___3.JPGNo matter how hard I tried not to be surprised, I was shocked. But not little shocked. You know when you are aware of the fact that your mouth are wide open, but you just don’t have enough strength to close it? When you feel like your eyes are gonna drop out from your head, but you cant do anything to put them back to the right place? Well, this kinda shocked. You got the picture, I am sure.

I guess everybody (if the person is normal, off course) would feel the same way I did today. Seeing that naive, smiley face, that innocent look of those shiny eyes, winking 1000 times per minute, but witnessing the evil is coming out. All the lies and nonsense she is saying, still smiling. Aware of consequences, of things, bad things, that WILL happen to other person, because of the her. Wouldn’t you be shocked?

Oh wait people thats not all!

The person is praying!!! Yo!, five times a day stand in front of Allah (SWT), our Merciful Allah (SWT) and stay such a jerk??? Wallahi I wonder what kind of heart is that (if you have it at all, duh??). I donno…Carrier is so important you gonna walk over your dead sister’s body to be more successful (read: to have more money)? Hmm…Those persons never think how they will answer to Allah (SWT) for their actions?! I mean if you pray to Him every day, guess you should believe in Day of Judgment, sah?

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What ever you do, what ever you plan, what ever you think…ALL. He will bring it in front of us and ask WHY? Yalla, explanations. Rude to the lady in bakery? Thinking bad of your neighbor? Angry look at the beggar? Subhanallah, if Habibullah, the most dear of all creatures to Allah (SWT) was warned on this, we think we will not be punished?! Ya Allah (SWT)….

I am sad. Ah wallahi I am. In what kind a world we are living in? In what kind of place my children will grow up?

Hasbiyallah wa ni’amal Wakeel.

  
Oct
26

I got in to my hands today a drawing of one orphan child. I saw them more than 500 these days, but this one made my eyes frozen, my mind stopped working for a minute, shocked by the thing in front of me. Gray. Clear.  Suffering. Hunger. Tortures. Concentration camp. Death. All this in one word: SREBRENICA.

This child is very young. I was just thinking about how does she feel. How much does it hurt. She was just a baby when all this happen.  A baby. But her mind and heart kept it all. All the pictures. Her baba being slaughtered. Her grandpa being tortured, pieces of his body riped off. He died. In terrible pain. Her 13 years old brother killed in front of her and her mom’s eyes. Mom’s scream is still hurting her ears.

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Mom, grandma being raped. Dead bodies of more than 8,000 her cousins and neighbors all around them. Running away trough the wood latter. Dark. Silence. Fear. Panics. She kept it all. All pictures.

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How can she forget?? She is being reminded every day. Her grandma’s face is never dry. Tears for 4 lost sons, husband, brother, uncles, neighbors, friends. Her mom doesn’t cry anymore. She doesn’t have tears. Most of the time she is quiet, looking at one little spot on the wall. Photo of her baba and little brother are always there. In front of them.

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They are waiting for a call every day. A call to tell them bodies of their loved ones are found. At least they will know the bones are resting in peace.  They will go to mezar (grave) and say a doa. Asking a Jannah for those beautiful souls. For those brave and beautiful souls. This is all what they hope for.

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They are heroines for me. This child, her mother, her grandma. For being able to live, to smile, to open a doors to the world. A world where the killers, beasts, those evil people are walking free as birds.

Dont forget them. Please. At least don’t forget them from your doa.

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Sep
27

  
Sep
03

Being away from the office few days and spending some time with my girls was really great idea. I remembered I have a life. Truly important things to care and think about.

I need to focus on it. FOCUS.FOCUS.

To be a good mother&father at the same time, for two beautiful girls.

To make their childhood happy and without any burden. They had it enough by now.

To raise them to be good muslimahs, to love Allah (SWT)&His deen in environment that is all but islamic.

To make them realise that Islam is the only way to have life worth of living, even if they see their mother so tired from this life sometimes.

To be strong, so I will not be so tired from it, but rather I will have more sabr&trust in my Allah (SWT).

To depend only on Him. To trust only Him.

I stopped thinking about my muslim “sisters” who stole my project on orphans, that I was working on it SO hard. They did it with smile and saying Allah (SWT)’s name.

I stopped thinking about muslim “sister” who is full of envy&jelousy that is coming not only from her mounth, but even trough her eyes and her every move.  May Allah (SWT) protect me&my girls from all that can hurt us in any way. Amin yarab.

I kept saying to my self thats not islam. No. Islam is something else. Islam is perfect. People are not.

Sorry “sisters”, I have more important things to think about. Leave you to Allah (SWT).

  
Aug
02

I thought its gonna be different when I come back home, I thought I will not yearn for it that much…But its the same…even more…

When I think seriously about it, I am sure its just the need to change the whole life, to start from the beggining. But thats not gonna erase all things that happened to me by now, its not going to take away all I want to be away from me. Dunya is dunya, no matter where in earth you are, Cairo, Sarajevo, New York, Makkah, Kuala Lumpur or any other place. You can not run away from it, untill Allah (SWT) says so.

Sometimes I get this feeling, this strong, strong need to be close to Him, to see nothing but Him, to think abt nothing but Him, to want nothing but Him…Only with Him I am safe…

Yarab make my heart beat only for You and please please please dont leave me, dont leave me to my self, without Your love, care and protection. I know I didnt deserve it, but I love You so much….

  
Aug
02

No matter how much I try, its really hard to understand you sometimes…Maybe because your eyes are not in front of me, maybe because I cannot hold your hand, maybe that’s why…Maybe not…Maybe we just don’t think the same, don’t feel the same. Maybe I expect too much from you, maybe you really give so little. Or I am just blind to certain things?? Maybe this distance between us makes things so difficult. But what if it is going to be the same if we do live together? Maybe we don’t love each other? What are these feelings then?

Allah (SWT) knows the best…May He leads us to the best, in dunya and in akhirah…But if its khair to be without you, I ask Him from His mercy for His help…because it is going to hurt so much…

At the end He is the Creator and Lord of our hearts, they are between His fingers…maybe He will make our hearts beat together and fill them with love, make them understand each other?

  
Jun
07

Ten days left. Next Monday morning I will go. To Cairo. I will finally see my dream becoming a true.

My mind is in some kind of really strange condition. Like I am watching my self preparing and all those stuff from some distance. Like watching the movie, “My life”. Strange. When I am thinking of leaving my girls, I just shake my head, trying not think about it. At least not yet. Ya Allah (SWT) give me strenght.

I am going after my dream, but leaving my heart here. I am gonna meet my love there, the man I love for three years. I will learn that language which words makes me melt. I will renew my self so I can be able to continue with my fight here. I have to go. Ya Allah (SWT) give me strenght. I will leave my heart here.

  
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