Is that a different light that lighten your face,

Is it another moon that shines in your eyes?

Or just my heart lost the light of love, so nothing is same?!

Look! All the colors are gone! It is so clear!

You are just black and white, just the bones and skin that means nothing to me!

Same7ni ya rabb el kareem, color my life with the light of Your Love,

I let the other take what belongs only to You,

You are the Lord of my heart, Lord of my soul,

You are my shelter; I run to You and knock in Your door, I am meskeena, beggar, in need of Your Mercy.

You are all my Hope.

She visited Bosnia and Herzegovina in 1994, while the war was still going on, supporting our country in a fight for independence and freedom. Bosnian people will never forget that. She is in our prayers.

May Allah help this ummah. We desperately need it, yarab….

www.islamic-relief.com/

I heard someone said once, that zikr (dhikr-remembering Allah with your heart and tongue) for people is like the water for fish.. Means - its life accually…for your heart, for the health of your mind, for your ability to make good deeds, for all whats good in you..

Well..I felt like real looser when I remembered these words…Accually when I am thinking of the days of Ramadhan which are gone I feel like a looser..yarab…is my heart like this coz I am not making enough zikr? Is my heart like this coz I am too busy with the dunya stuff (which are my home, my children and my job, means I have to be concern about it!!) ? I just cant find myself in all this. I am kinda loosing my self in it. But really. I am becoming really worried. Ya rabb, ya Allah , ya Al Wadood, are Your doors closed for me, this slave who loves You so much, but feel like munafiq coz not showing You that love??

If You dont allow me to be Your servant, I am lost.

No matter how much I try, its really hard to understand you sometimes…Maybe because your eyes are not in front of me, maybe because I cannot hold your hand, maybe that’s why…Maybe not…Maybe we just don’t think the same, don’t feel the same. Maybe I expect too much from you, maybe you really give so little. Or I am just blind to certain things?? Maybe this distance between us makes things so difficult. But what if it is going to be the same if we do live together? Maybe we don’t love each other? What are these feelings then?

Allah knows the best…May He leads us to the best, in dunya and in akhirah…But if its khair to be without you, I ask Him from His mercy for His help…because it is going to hurt so much…

At the end He is the Creator and Lord of our hearts, they are between His fingers…maybe He will make our hearts beat together and fill them with love, make them understand each other?

Ten days left. Next Monday morning I will go. To Cairo. I will finally see my dream becoming a true.

My mind is in some kind of really strange condition. Like I am watching my self preparing and all those stuff from some distance. Like watching the movie, “My life”. Strange. When I am thinking of leaving my girls, I just shake my head, trying not think about it. At least not yet. Ya Allah give me strenght.

I am going after my dream, but leaving my heart here. I am gonna meet my love there, the man I love for three years. I will learn that language which words makes me melt. I will renew my self so I can be able to continue with my fight here. I have to go. Ya Allah give me strenght. I will leave my heart here.

It was raining today. Alhamdulillah. I feel so peaceful now. Alhamdulillah.

Really in hard moments a person can see how far away she/he is from Allah . When I received a phone call few days ago and my sister told me that my mom is very sick, I thought I will die.

Some emptiness fulfilled me and I felt like I am all alone in this world. Totally. I still feel like that.

I wasn’t thinking about her or how hard this is for her, I wasn’t thinking that trough my behaviour she has to see how strong she has to be, how believer always has to TRUST Allah , how Allah is the best Doctor, that shefa’ is in His hands…All I knew is that I can lose my mom. Thats all.

I ask You ya Rabbi to give shefa’ and eeman to my mom. She would give her life for me. She wasn’t sleeping because of me, my sadness is her sadness, my happiness is her happiness. She is the best under the sky for me, she is the best among those who walk in this Earth, for me. I wish I bring the stars to her, I wish I can do anything now to make her feel better. Accept my dooa ya Rahman, ya Wadood, ya Haleem, ya Hafeez, ya Lateef, ya Mujeeb el dooa, ya Allah rabbi accept my dooa.

p.s. sorry to all of you who will read if this is too confusing, just my mind is all messed up right now. Dooa needed so much, jazakumullah khair

I have a feeling that these days I have eyes only for bad things :( And it makes me worried, a lot, coz I was always the person who sees all the best in people and things around me. But when I catched my self yesterday with feeling of deep worry, thinking how, for God’s sake, my children, my innocent, pure children ( and all other kids) will survive in this kind of world, I am afraid now that I am becoming a pessimist. And that’s not good. At all.
The thing I am worried at most is that my heart, by living in this kind of environment, will become hard as a stone and totally blind, without possibility to feel all those beautiful things around me, which were making me so happy and joyful person. I can remember how deep my feelings were when I was started to practice Islam. Yarab…I felt the tree next to my balcony as a proud slave of Allah and this is why I was looking at it as someone so close to me:))Same was for the sky, stars, flowers, birds, just all things which Allah swt created for us, to make our residence here more pleasant.
Now, I am facing with people who knows about this beautiful deen more than me, who seems to be practicing and saying Allah ’s name 5 times in every sentence, but…they are making my heart a stone. Why? Because they don’t see Islam as a way of life, it didn’t fulfill all cells of their bodies, it didn’t lightened their souls so the light can not come out, to bring the good for others. They are cold,cruel, from Islam they see only hard rules, and if they have beard and everybody sees them praying, they take the right to change the rules if they are not happy with it. This makes you stone. Because they don’t see that tree or even thinking about it. They don’t feel the world around them. Except what they will benefit from. And you are not able to change it, plus you are forced somehow to live surrounded by their grinned faces, without the smile or noor in it.

Ya Allah make the Qur’an the noor of my heart, the spring of my soul and eraser of all my worries. Ameen yarab.

Honestly I dont know from where it comes, this need to be just away from everything…Is it running away from problems, from life? I guess it is. I have my work, which is great really and true blessing, but these people around….How can somone pray five times a day, know by heart almost the whole Qur’an and so many hadiths but still act as totaly ignorant and had so stone heart?? Walla I dont understand….

I also have other full time job, which is being single mom for two girls…There is nothing better for me in this world, just sometimes I got this stupid feeling…like I dont have strenght any more and accually dont know what to do at all…Walla may Allah be with me, without His help & support I will be totaly lost..

If I catch few mins of free time I imagine my self in Cairo. My beautiful Al Qahirah…Walking in your streets, praying at your mosques, go for shopping at khan al khaleel…far away from everything….Allah…

Do3a needed, plz