Hard day. Really. So much work to do, I don’t have time to scratch my head :) I was thinking how will I manage all these, imagining my sofa at home, warm cup of apple tea and (small!!) piece of my favorite chocolate… All off a sudden, my colleague entered the office and brought the package sent to one of the orphans by her sponsor. The package contained a small gift to the every member of orphan’s family and to the orphan girl specially. I found a few magazines of our organization and a letter to the orphan girl. Was pretty confusing about all these, but it got all clear after I red the letter (this is my job, just for the record.I need to translate it for a girl:))The woman who is sponsoring a child is also member of our team, but from another country. She is sponsoring a Bosnian girl and she was writing to her : “My sweet, dear, little sister…” Wallahi she made me cry. You shoud see that latter… I would post it here, but I dont know would sister agreed on it… I cant wait to see this girl receiving it :)

How much love for this orphan. How much feelings.

Its not about the money, its not about the gift. Its about love. Its about the love she is feeling for the sake of Allah swt and that’s why she feel this girl as her sister. Yarab…Ya Allah grant this woman with Your pleasure. Give her all the best from both of the worlds. Give me strenght to keep my niyyah clear, while doing this job. Make it always just for Your sake. For the pleasure of seeing Your face. Amin yarab. And please, please make all the orphans of this world blessed with Your love and care. Amin ya Hayy ya Qayyum.

If you would like to sponsor an orphan child from any part of the world, visit www.alyateem.com

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:”I and the person who looks after an orphan will be in Paradise together like this…” - then he raised his forefinger and middle finger together.

(Hadith Bukhari)

Bowed back, fingers crossed, lost look in to the spot on the wall. Khadija didn’t hear the noise that was coming from downstairs. Her friends were settling the music for the party, that suppose to start every minute.

“You should be happy, so happy”- silence was saying to her. But she was. Really she was. Still…at the same time she was filled with fear. “So many emotions, I feel like a bomb that is going to explode!Yarab, Lord of my heart, help me! Help me to realize what do I really feel.”
Warmth of her tears reminded her of where she was and of her friends who were waiting for her. She was a glittering star tonight. Beautiful dress, that she has bought specially for this occasion, was looking so good on her. Her hair was great, make up was perfect. She was ready to go. “Just hope no one will see the real me. They are happy for me. I will not give them any single sign that it shouldn’t be like that.”

While getting down the stairs, sounds of Amr Diab’s “Betewhashni” made her smile. She loved that song. ” I deserve to be happy. I deserve to love again. To feel again. To touch again. To be touched .”
The evening was better than she expected. No one has noticed the storm that was going on inside of her. She forgot about tomorrow. About her wedding. The second one. He has called few times, just to see is everything okay, bringing those thoughts back to her, but she shakes her head and make them go away. She will think about it latter. Or even tomorrow. But not now, just not now.
…
Everybody left. She was alone again, with bowed back, crossed fingers and looking to the spot on the wall. Now memories were coming back so fast, that Khadija was not even trying to stop them. She let her tears falling down her cheeks, hoping they will take all those memories away, away from her. She didn’t want to remember how many times her ex hit her. How many times he raped her. How many nights she slept next to him wishing she is dead. How much she hated every single touch of him. How every cell of her body was scared only if he would look at her. It would made her flesh creep.
Is it going to happen again? She was forced to the first marriage. Second one was her choice. This time she was in love. Big time. She knew that. She loved him with all her heart. And body. She wanted to be in his hug, to listen the beats of his heart. His strong hands, protecting her from outside world. His warm, deep eyes resting in her eyes. His calming voice, whispering to her the words that made her able to love again. But…will those hands lose control some day? Are they going to hurt her, instead of protecting her? Will those eyes be filled with animal desire to destroy? Will she hear that voice shouting in her, insulting her, instead of whispering the words of love? Was she brave or stupid, for trying again? Who knows…She has only hope that Allah will not let that happen to her again. Ever. Hope that she made a good choice. That her heart was right. Time will show…

It is a quite crazy day.. :) Alright, I like it when its like that. At least we are laughing. Cracking out actually.
The great woman who is working as a housekeeper here, took a few days of annual leave. If she only knows who much trouble we saw since she is gone :) Crazy house really, but its funny. Like every body are having coffee twice per day and now all of a sudden we have so much dirty cups :) You can hear : I washed it yesterday! No you didn’t. Yes I did, Monday and Thursday, its your turn now….etc…. That’s whats women are saying, if you can see the guys, you would die laughing :) Ya gameela, come back ASAP please!!

Everything else is pretty much the same. I am fighting with Mr. Director every day. And he hates women who are talking too much. Or even close to fighting. Especially those women who has their own opinion. If you are a woman, you have your dream and you ll go for it no matter what he wishes, consider yourself his worse enemy. Hmm..I am all of that…so imagine how is it :) Alhamdulillah. May Allah leads me to the best, inshaAllah.

As you could conclude, his wishes, signatures or anything else of his has nothing to do with my trip. Its getting closer and I am getting more and more excited :) Cairo here I come! Oh when I just remember that I will be able to speak in arabic…I am trying now to extend my vocabulary, like to know something else but habeebi, bhebak, rouhy, amary, asal - okay etc, you don’t wanna hear the rest :) Hope I will succeed before I go there. Plz feel free to leave some of the words or phrases you think I will need. I would really REALLY appreciate it :)

Like I heard what happened to one guy who left from Bosnia to Saudi, to study there. It was a Ramadan time. The classroom was full and one great professor was giving the lecture. So he asked all students with what they are usually breaking their fast. The Bosnian guy stood up proudly and said : Bil 7hurma ( which is dates (tamr) in Bosnian lang.) The professor got red face, not saying the word and all the students were laughing. Why?! They say hurma for a girl!!!!!!!!!! See, this is kind of situation I don’t want to face with :)

Anyway, plz remember me in your doo3a. I really need it. And leave some comments. Come on :)

I had such a beautiful experience today. Alhamdulillah, I am really grateful to have this opportunity.

Sheikh Qaradawi was praying salatul-Jumu3ah today in Beg’s mosque!!!!After the prayer he made a beautiful, touching do3a for all muslims in the world, asking especially for unity of our ummah. He asked from Allah to forgive our sins, using do3a that Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, tough Aisha radijallahu anha in the night of Qadr. Allahumma innaka 3afuwun kareemun, tu7hibbul afwa, f3afu‘ anna. He asked from Allah swt to accept our deeds, to reward Bosnian shaheeds and help us to keep our eeman. While he was coming out of the mosque, he was greeting people and saying salam to everyone :) I was standing not more than one meter away from him :)

(And we took photos, off course, will upload them as soon as possible :) )

Mashaallah, may Allah reward him for everything and may Allah swt give us more people like sheikh Qaradawi, who will strive to see our ummah among the best in the world. Ameen yarab.

Sheikh Qaradawi’s wife, Dr. Asma was giving lecture last night in the University of Islamic Science in Sarajevo. It was beautiful, her words made us all even more proud that we are muslimahs!! :))

Inshallah I will try to find video tapes of the lecture and put more of her words here.

Living my life in the shelter of Islam, I have learned many things. I wouldn’t give it up for anything in this world. For some of them it took years to see it, many tears and nights without sleep to understand it. But I appreciate them all. Here are some of them :

* Even if you feel like totally alone in this world, you are not. The One who wishes you the best will take care of you and will sent you His help in moments when you don’t even expect it. You will find the doors of hope and forgiveness always opened.

*You will see that people do not forgive so easily. It can take you ages to correct your wrong doings to someone and to see that person forgive and forget. With Allah is not like that. One do3a that will come sincerely from your heart is enough. And not just that. Muhammad saws told us that Allah is welcoming every repentance from us, and He likes it more than a man likes to find his lost camel in the desert, which carries all his food and water. SubhanAllah…

*People don’t like if you ask something from them every now and then. Wallahi they will make you feel like the worst person in this world. They will think that you are not capable for this life and that you should start to learn how to live it. With Allah is not like that. He likes if we ask Him for anything we need, no matter huge or small. One more thing: He doesn’t ask from us to make an appointment so we can tell Him our needs and problems. No. His doors are always opened, day or night, you can talk for hours if you like, He will never be busy for you. Always there for anything you need. And plus: He will be angry if you don’t ask from Him. :)

*You can always, but ALWAYS rely on Him. He will never let you down. Ever.

*You will notice that the love you feel for Him is making you love all around you, it is making you able to forgive and to live in peace with others. Plus: Same love for Him is making other people loves you :)

*It is said that who makes his only worry how to gain Allah ’s pleasure, Allah will take care of all others worries of this person. Simple. Beautiful.

We have a nice weather again, alhamdulillah. It’s just …everything is different when you have a lot of sun around… Even sometimes the rainy days can make you more silent, listening to the world around you and it’s a blessing from Allah , for sure…but sun is a sun :)
Sarajevo is beautiful in days like this. Really. I enjoy walking in Bascarsija after work and off course having traditional Bosnian coffee in one of many coffee shops in town. Visiting the Begova mosque and sitting in front of it is experience that can not be really explained in words. SubhanAllah you feel like you are not in dunya, but in some another, quiet and peaceful world. Pure beauty. Can’t wait 4 o’clock, to go thereee :)

It was raining today. Alhamdulillah. I feel so peaceful now. Alhamdulillah.

Really in hard moments a person can see how far away she/he is from Allah . When I received a phone call few days ago and my sister told me that my mom is very sick, I thought I will die.

Some emptiness fulfilled me and I felt like I am all alone in this world. Totally. I still feel like that.

I wasn’t thinking about her or how hard this is for her, I wasn’t thinking that trough my behaviour she has to see how strong she has to be, how believer always has to TRUST Allah , how Allah is the best Doctor, that shefa’ is in His hands…All I knew is that I can lose my mom. Thats all.

I ask You ya Rabbi to give shefa’ and eeman to my mom. She would give her life for me. She wasn’t sleeping because of me, my sadness is her sadness, my happiness is her happiness. She is the best under the sky for me, she is the best among those who walk in this Earth, for me. I wish I bring the stars to her, I wish I can do anything now to make her feel better. Accept my dooa ya Rahman, ya Wadood, ya Haleem, ya Hafeez, ya Lateef, ya Mujeeb el dooa, ya Allah rabbi accept my dooa.

p.s. sorry to all of you who will read if this is too confusing, just my mind is all messed up right now. Dooa needed so much, jazakumullah khair